urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn Jillian Jillian 2009-06-04T00:32:35Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:126505 2009-06-04T00:32:35Z 2009-06-04T00:32:35Z okay so if anyone reads this, i apologize if it is boring.<br /><br />so to start this off..<br />i am very happy in my relationship right now. <br />im really happy to have someone like him in my life..<br /><br /><br />now heres the part where i vent...<br /><br />it just sucks that i am so insecure.<br />i am the person who always seems to be bringing things down.<br />i can be having the best day and then find something to make it bad..<br />part of it is my anxiety. i get so nervous in certain situations. im awful with new people. <br />i always feel like i will never live up to his expectations.<br />i dont feel like i am physically attractive enough, smart enough, interesting enough..<br />i dont know why i am so insecure or how i can get over it.<br />i know i shouldnt care what people think...<br /><br />i know i am finally in a more safe and secure place now.<br />my life did a complete turnaround.<br />i dont smoke, barely drink, and do not drink and drive.<br />i am not reckless anymore.<br />i do not lie all the time.<br />or sleep at random places.<br />or put myself in bad situations.<br />and i dont feel a need for any of this negativity to enter my life.<br /><br />just why the hell do i still find myself in this place?<br />why cant i feel more comfortable?<br />im not saying im depressed by any means, or that my problems are worse than yours.<br />according to most people i have a pretty "perfect" life.<br />yes, my life is good.<br />but cant i still be unhappy?<br />can i still have this great relationship, with a great boy, but still have problems with myself?<br />i hope i dont fuck things up... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:126332 2009-05-31T01:18:46Z 2009-05-31T01:18:46Z life is all ups and downs...<br /><br /><br />why do i mainly feel down..<br /><br /><br />ugh :( urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:126003 2009-05-17T03:51:59Z 2009-05-17T03:51:59Z school is done my grades are...<br /><br />drum roll please..<br /><br /><br />Introduction to Statistics<br />A<br /><br />Ceramics I<br />A<br /><br />Physical Science I Lab<br />B+<br /><br />Physical Science I<br />B<br /><br />History of Costume II<br />A<br /><br />Intro to Textiles<br />A<br /><br />Introduction to Music<br />A<br /><br />Public Speaking<br />B+<br /><br />and my GPA is...<br /><br />.... 3.773<br /><br />Not bad.<br /><br />I'm just so happy it's all done with.<br />Now I just have to survive the summer. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:125923 2009-04-29T02:56:29Z 2009-04-29T02:56:29Z +shopping with mom<br />+school is almost over<br />-sean is in wildwood<br />-i feel as though i only have a few friends<br />-i never have time to sit and think<br />+i fell in love with a dress today urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:125528 2009-04-03T04:10:24Z 2009-04-03T04:10:24Z + leaving for aruba in like 6 days<br />- public speaking online should blow me<br />- so should my other 6 classes<br />- my raise at work sucks. i went from making 7.75 to 8.06 fml. seriously<br />- i am sick. wtf. <br />- i have work 5 days in a row on top of school and trying to get packed<br />+ sean is the one thing keeping me sane right now<br />- i had a complete breakdown in BJ's wtf<br />- i am so unsure as my major and what i want to do in my future<br />- why do i have so many minuses?!?!<br />- i havent started packing<br />- i should be in bed urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:125220 2009-02-24T21:28:19Z 2009-02-24T21:28:19Z Hmm so life right noww.<br />Work is going okay besides the fact that i still only get paid 7.75 and i have worked there for over a year. bummmerrr raises arent until like may or something.<br />school is dumb. i hate school. <br />no, i lied. its okay. i have my friends and we just talk and eat the whole time, but i just hate the actual learning parts.<br />as for me and sean, we are really good. im really happy with him. he's been nothing but a total sweetheart. <br />for v-day i got a ring from sean. :) it was really cute of him. <br /><br />I havent really had time for much else.<br />Oh and I've still been pretty much sober since november still. except for like two beers lol. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:125178 2008-12-22T06:55:21Z 2008-12-22T06:55:21Z so i havent updated in a while<br />life is going alot better.<br />i have my car back and im ungrounded.<br />i also have a new boyfriend. his name is sean atkinson( he went to HHS lol).. and he is a sweetheart.<br />he makes me happy and its really awesome to be with someone who is completely the opposite from me.<br /><br />im working alott...like alot alot...<br />its cool, i just cant wait for the holidays to be over.<br />im so done with christmas lol.<br />retail ruins it!<br /><br />oh yeah and my grades so far are<br />B<br />B+<br />A<br />A<br />A<br /><br />sweet. i just need to get my other two and hopefully they are good too!<br />&lt;3 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:124094 2008-10-06T22:21:40Z 2008-10-06T22:21:40Z sooo.<br />my birthday was on sept 27th.<br />turning 20 sucks.<br />my birthday was good though.<br />mike bought me flowers and sushi and we just spent the day together.<br />this past weekend he bought me my present.<br />a coach purse!<br />and i got to pick it out!<br />i absolutely love it.<br /><br />Im in my fashion drawing course right now. we are all waiting for the model to get here so we can draw her.<br />she is running late and this makes me happy.<br />i suck at drawing...thats why i want to get into merchandising and marketing.<br />i want to buy and sell.<br />sounds good :)<br /><br />i havent thought about where i want to go after BCC, but I hope wherever it is that its fun and not stressful.<br />I need to start looking because I always wait until the last minute.<br />I just hate making big decisions...<br /><br />i get out of this class at 9 and I wish time would go quicker.<br />I still have homework and I would like to go to bed early.<br /><br />Oh yeah and reminder to self this past weekend was crazzzzzy. Never doing that again! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:123697 2008-08-14T05:06:49Z 2008-08-14T05:06:49Z its been maybe like 5 ish weeks since i last updated.<br />but i really dont have anything exciting to tell.<br />work is going good.<br />boy- me and him just had our one year. going good.<br />school is coming around soon. bcc should be interesting.<br />besides that life is just creepin on by with the same old same old.<br /><br />no cool stories this time around.<br />sorrrryyy.<br />and goodnight. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:123485 2008-07-10T02:01:02Z 2008-07-10T02:01:02Z none so heres a small update.<br />yesterday was me and mikes 11 months. woohoo! haha<br />yeah i dropped mad money, like 100 bills on food and stuff because i ust wanted to have a day where i didnt care. it felt nice.<br />i need to be put on more days at VS or i am getting another job.<br />me and my mom went out today.<br />we went out to eat at subway and later on panera and did a little shopping, well maybe more than a little. i dropped 50 bills on a pair of shoes! i spent almost a whole paycheck in two days. hurrah.<br />now im just sitting at home all by my lonesome thinking about how bloated i am and how i have an ass and thighs and my pants size has changed. boo hoo. <br />and i ate cold stone today. baaad girl.<br />im going to go take a bubble bath.<br />peace out. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:123183 2008-06-15T20:10:34Z 2008-06-15T20:10:34Z if you feel like participating im trying to think up some good old memories.<br />even if you just leave one it will put a smile on my face.<br />so starting off with the words remember when, <br />comment me with some memories we shared together : ) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:123077 2008-06-13T14:18:14Z 2008-06-13T14:18:14Z good morning!<br /><br />go to the echelon mall for the semi-annual sale starting the 17th!!!!<br />&lt;3 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:122723 2008-06-03T03:49:43Z 2008-06-03T03:49:43Z sometimes i feel.... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:122479 2008-05-14T03:06:49Z 2008-05-14T03:06:49Z hey guys and gals.<br /><br />just checkin in with everyone. this past week has been busy with the ending of school and working a lot.<br />i still dont know about the csl position but i do have a few meetings coming up.<br />part of me hopes to get it and the other part doesnt.<br />i have really bad cramps right now.<br />i want to do something exciting this summer.<br />any ideas?<br /><br />&lt;3 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:122298 2008-05-05T02:22:53Z 2008-05-05T02:22:53Z SOOO...<br />I'm going to try for CSL at Victorias secret.<br />Which means I will be in charge of the store and my associates.<br />i will get to tell people what to do.<br />And all I have to do is walk around and make sure everyone is doing their job!<br />And I will get paid more.<br />Let's keep our fingers crossed that I get it because a lot of other people are applying for the job!<br />&lt;3<br /><br />And today I went shopping for 2 women who go to a shelter.<br /> for mothers day.<br />We are giving them gifts through my work.<br />I bought the one woman make-up and bath and body products as she requested.<br />And the other lay asked for shoes for her kids so I bought two pairs of cute sneakers for her little boy and little girl!<br />It made me feel really good about myself : ) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:122039 2008-05-01T04:19:00Z 2008-05-01T04:19:00Z i spent about 2 hours cutting a giant paper pot leaf to perfection to put it on a poster board for my health presentation on friday.<br /><br />yep. that was like the highlight of my day. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:121704 2008-04-22T03:22:34Z 2008-04-22T03:22:34Z well here we go.<br />im finally writing again.<br />these journal entries tend to get further and further apart.<br /><br />tomorrow i will be attending my great-grandmothers funeral, or who i liked to call my me-mom.<br />she passed on saturday morning in her sleep.<br />she was 99.<br />she always said she would make it to 100.<br /><br />i guess that wasnt the plan.<br /><br /><br />i ust cant wait for school to be over.<br />i need to figure out what im doing with my life.<br />if i should really pursue fashion.<br />there is nothing else that really interests me.<br />i hate all of my classes dealing with english comp and history and health and wellness.<br />none of it pertains to anything i want to/need to learn in life.<br /><br />you might think from this entry that my life isnt going too well but besides that stuff it has been pretty nice.<br />me and mike made tacos today. we have been cooking a lot lately.<br />i cant wait for summer. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:121569 2008-03-29T04:34:19Z 2008-03-29T04:34:19Z HEY!<br />I just got home from jamaica!<br />and it was freaking amazing.<br />pictures will be up on my facebook and myspace at later times.<br />but some of the stuff i did was...<br /><br />- ride like a celebrity in a hummer limo to and from the airport.<br />- parasailed ( FREAKING BEAUTIFUL)<br />- went snorkeling<br />- drank! haha and could purchase alcohol<br />- won a bottle of rum<br />- got tan as helll<br />- made friends with every jamaican who worked at ocho rios<br />- went kayaking<br />- got offered pot like five million times<br />- swam in clear blue water everyyyyday!<br />- saw some forty something year old womens tits at a bar<br />- went to margaritaville<br />- CLIMBED A WATERFALL. (HUUUUUGE waterfall)<br />- bought mad stuff<br />- ate really good food.<br />- went to craft shows, shops, and markets<br /><br />and the list goes on and on and on.<br />&lt;3333<br />good times urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:121339 2008-02-26T03:05:20Z 2008-02-26T03:05:20Z <a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v237/gracefullytorn/?action=view&amp;current=0222080843a.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v237/gracefullytorn/0222080843a.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />my mom, jared, and i gave logan his first taste of snow!<br />and we even made him a snowman : ) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:121021 2008-02-19T19:50:30Z 2008-02-19T19:50:30Z so yeah.<br />i miss a lot of people.<br />i cant wait until im done school or at least on a break.<br />im thinking im going to be catching up with a lot of old friends&lt;3<br /><br />life is pretty good though.<br />no complaints here. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:120769 2008-02-12T19:37:43Z 2008-02-12T19:37:43Z off to work.<br /><br />i went to a deaf event yesterday.<br />and realized how much sign language i still need to learn : / urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:120563 2008-02-07T21:15:47Z 2008-02-07T21:15:47Z hello? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:120237 2008-02-06T06:30:58Z 2008-02-06T06:30:58Z 1:30 in the morning<br />one more paragraph to go<br /><br />bleh, urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:119913 2008-02-06T04:23:51Z 2008-02-06T04:23:51Z 11:22 at night<br />2 papers to write<br />1 monster energy drink<br /><br /><br />ready<br />set<br />GO urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:gracefullytorn:119618 2008-02-04T19:27:27Z 2008-02-04T19:27:27Z <a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v237/gracefullytorn/?action=view&amp;current=DSC00264.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v237/gracefullytorn/DSC00264.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />hahahaah <br />OLD SCHOOOOOL BITCHESSS<br /><br /><br />yep i just found this picture.<br />thought it was funny.